SSC Weekend Words Prompt (11/5/10): “A Very Special Weekend Words Segment: NaNoWriMo Edition””

By: Michael J. Greenwald

Good Morning, Sleep Sunshine Devotees!

This excerpt from my novel, The Rainbow Child, was created from a prompt on StoryStudio Chicago’s webzine Cooler By The Lake.  “Weekend Words 11/5/10.”

Prompt #1 – “Meet The ‘Rents”

Growing up had been an odd period for Zophie.  Her mother was a sad, quiet woman, prone to spending long-hours in her garden in the summer and in her room throughout the winter.  She had an unnerving habit of humming for long stretches; nothing catchy, nothing known, songs she’d made up in her head—Zophie’s ealiest musical influence.  The humming went on incessantly, speaking was another matter.  Zophie’s mother Grace could spend weeks not saying a thing.  She’d stand in the kitchen filling a tea kettle with water and become lost staring out the window.  If not for Zophie breaking the trance by pointing out the fullness of the tea kettle (truth be told it had been full for the last ten minutes) Grace might have stood there while winter turned to spring and then summer.

One factor which had motivated her to leave her hometown as soon as she could had been a recurring dream she’d had from fifteen years old until she’d been in California for over a year.  In the dream she found herself in the kitchen prone over her mother with her hands (in the dream she had the full use of both) wrapped around her mother’s neck, strangling the woman.  For her part her mother didn’t resist, and in fact, appeared, with her smoky grey eyes to be encouraging her youngest daughter’s action.

The dream never quit, either.

From fifteen until she’d been in California for over a year, she’d wake up in the darkness with the sense that both her hands were flexed, though when she flipped on her bedside lamp she’d discovered her right hand squeezed into a claw while the stub on her other arm remained the same—yet a feeling of phantom fingers squeezed around pale flesh was present.  Waking alone in her childhood room had been one thing, but once Annie and she had rented the apartment on Telegraph Avenue above the Korean Grocery and Zophie would jerk up in the bed they shared, hands raised above her face as though she were raising a beam; startling Fred, their labrador retriever, sufficiently enough where he’d begin howling and wake Annie up beside her, Zophie found sleeping on the pull-out in their study necessary.  Which only served to be Hell on she and Annie’s intimacy and Zophie’s bad back.

The dream had been disturbing enough, but when she’d lived at her parent’s house she discovered one day it had leaked into her consciousness and this frightened her enough to cement  the belief escaping Worthington was her only solution.  She’d been sitting at the kitchen table, doing her math or science homework, using the adding machine her mother, when well enough, employed at the end of each month to tally the household bills and expenses.  She heard the running faucet and after moment looked up, pencil tip frozen in the upper loop of a half-finished “8” and realized the water hadn’t just been running for a moment—she’d finished the better part of five algebra worksheets and even through her intense focus (because unlike English, math did not come easily) she’d faintly heard the sound of water crashing throughout.  Zophie lifted her pencil and looked up.  Shoulder bones sticking out against the tattered, discolored material of her ratty robe, Grace stood at the kitchen sink, filling a tea kettle.  Water bubbled like a geyser out of the kettle, filled to capacity.  When Zophie rose and tapped Grace on the shoulder, told her the kettle was full, her mother looked at her with those smoky grey eyes for a long moment before squeezing the stainless steel level in her tiny hand and pushing down.  Not one fiber of Grace’s facial tissue changed, no smile, no frown—her mother said not one word, yet when Zophie turned around she found it difficult to locate herself back to the chair.  The short space from sink to kitchen table blurred in her vision, her thigh and calf muscles shook as though she’d undertook a ten-mile-hike.  She clamped her hand on the table-top in order to not go down.  She turned her head to the sound of crashing water and observed her mother holding the tea kettle under the sink faucet, staring out the window.  Zophie felt felt stoned and stupid.  A crushing need to go lie down overcame her, but she knew her dizziness and jelly legs wouldn’t propel her from the kitchen.  In her mind, all she could focus on, all she could think, was something that would never leave her (even now, in the kitchen, she shivered, turning over the meat).  The feeling of that moment when an irrational thought, something originated in a dream world, became a rational real world belief.  And it stunned her, immobilized her.  Cause she knew without a doubt that something in the expressionlessness of her mother’s face and a sudden bluish flash of her retinas had been Grace pleading for her youngest daughter to wrap her hands around her porcelain neck, pull her withered body to the filthy tile floor and crush her larynx—extinguishing whatever little life her mother had left.

SSC Weekend Words Prompt: “All My Children”

Continued from StoryStudio Chicago’s webzine Cooler By The Lake.

“All My Baby Mommas”

–Teaser–

INT. Apartment in the South Side of Chicago – Night

Jack sits on ratty couch, eating Cheetos, watching Comedy Central, laughing hysterically.

Door bell rings.

Grunting, struggling to get up, bits of food dropping off of him, Jack stumbles to intercom.

Jack: Who is it?

Intercom: Beatrice.

Jack’s eyes blow-wide–Uh, oh.

Jack: Wait.  I thought you were in a coma?

Beatrice (through intercom): I was.  I woke up.

Jack (looks panicked then becomes smooth): Well, heey, baby–how yah doing?

Beatrice: Ooh, don’t you–heey, baby, me, Jack.  Where’s my child support checks for all three years I was in a coma?

Jack looks around his apartment.  Uh, oh.

–End Teaser–

Roll Opening Credits.

Narrator (v.o.): There once was a man, who was just a man, but found himself a hit with the ladies, which was sweet and good times for a while…

…until they got pregnant…

…this is Jack…

…these are Jack’s Baby Mamas…

…and these are THEIR stories…

“All My Baby Mamas”

Debuting this winter on Fox…

When not satirizing day-time TV, Michael James Greenwald (Sleep Sunshine) is a student at Story Studio Chicago, applying for a Ragdale Residency in the fall, and waffling daily (sometimes hourly) on To-MFA or To-Not-To-MFA, that is the question.

His debut novel The Rainbow Child and short story collection Celebratory Gunfire are W.I.P (better than RIP).

His personal blog site is sleepsunshine. Feel free to venture to his Facebook page or feel free to email him with any comments or suggestions for further topics, or if you had any interest in being a guest blogger on either one of his sites.

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SSC Weekend Words Prompt: “So This One Time, At BilBo’s Tavern”

This flash-fiction excerpt is continued from a blog post at StoryStudio Chicago’s “Cooler By the Lake” blog.

“So This One Time, At BilBo’s Tavern”

By: Michael J. Greenwald

The Tuesday night shift at BillBo’s Tavern had been the reason I’d been hired as the new bartender; even though I walked-in that one Sunday morning carrying a print-out of a Craig’s List ad which sought a dishwasher (“Hole-in-Every-Wall-Bar Seeks Creative Individual that Fears Not Soap and Suds”).

“Can you bartend on Tuesday night?”

I had only just stepped inside the dingy space, senses momentarily blitzed by the rancid smell of puke and BO which would offend a career homeless’s sensibilities.  I hadn’t spoken and had no idea where the voice had come from, due to my eyes reacting to the dimly-lit space as though I’d been staring at the sun before running directly into a mine-shaft.

Finally, my pupils compressed enough for me to discern the lone human in the bar: a man whose body would garner snowman-envy squeezed into a spotty-white T-shirt; which might have been too small for his girlfriend, if he had a girlfriend, and if she were on a liquid-diet.

“Huh,” I said.

“Can you bartend Tuesday nights?”

I held up the print-out; the paper shook.

“Can you bartend on Tuesday night?” the man repeated.

I turned the paper around, double-checking I’d printed the correct ad.  “No. I’m the creative individual who fears-not soap and suds.”

The fat man shrugged.  “I can’t do nothing for you.”  He turned, twisted a knob of an old Zenith TV propped on the bar-top.  A black-and-white image came to the screen, fuzzy lightning bolts shooting across the picture, like the cheesy original Batman show.  Bam!  Pow!  Poof!

“But I’m here about the dishwasher position.  Please, sir.  I’ve applied all over the city and I’ll do anything you need.”

The fat man didn’t turn for a long minute.  I’d already headed for the door.

“Can you work the Tuesday bartending shift?” he asked for a third time.

I stopped, turned.  “Sure.  Whatever.”  He had the Zenith’s taped-antenna’s in his grubby hands, moving them like one of those airport crew guys with the highlighter sticks.  “But I’ve never bartended before.”

“You ever worked at the zoo?”

“Sir?”

His head swiveled.  I noticed a red birth-mark the shape of Africa splotched on his skin from left cheek to the top of his head.  “The zoo.”

“No…yes!  No.  Yes.”

Suddenly the Zenith’s picture cleared and WGN news appeared.  The man lowered his hands, grunted as he situated himself on a beer cooler, eyes on the screen.

“That’s good, real good,” he responded, nodding agreeably–the birth mark in the shape of Africa had disappeared.

So like I said at the front; I was not supposed to be bartending at BillBo’s on Tuesday night.  But here I am.

“Cooler By The Lake” Blog: “I’m Mad About…Jonathan Franzen – Doing Work”

SS Discussing Something of Literary Merit with Brother Man

Hello, loyal, Sleep Sunshine followers. My anxiously-awaited debut blog on StoryStudio Chicago’s “Cooler By the Lake” blog has landed!

The weekly segment is called, “I’m Mad About…” and this week I discussed Jonathan Franzen’s use of language and syntax to elevate the art of his literature. I also discovered where Oprah and I share common ground! Please check it out and please, please, please, if you can, comment (so those folks at “Cooler” realize I bring something to the table) on the blog. Thanks so much!!

Please click on the link below to zip over there!!!

LINK

Thanks for hanging.

–SS

When not drooling over the capability in Jonathan Franzen’s typing-pinkie, Michael James Greenwald (Sleep Sunshine) is a student at Story Studio Chicago, applying for a Ragdale Residency in the fall, and waffling daily (sometimes hourly) on To-MFA or To-Not-To-MFA, that is the question.

His debut novel The Rainbow Child and short story collection Celebratory Gunfire are W.I.P (better than RIP).

His personal blog site is sleepsunshine. Feel free to venture to his Facebook page or feel free to email him with any comments or suggestions for further topics, or if you had any interest in being a guest blogger on either one of his sites.

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What Should We Pass Onto Our Children: Guns? Gardening? Geometry?

Sunday, August 8 2010

By: Sleep Sunshine

Over the last several weeks, I’ve had a similar conversation with many different people concerning the same topic.

What should we be passing onto our children?

Last drop; no more.

This topic has been rattling around in my brain for quite a while now, considering while finishing my current novel, The Rainbow Child, my next novel, American Empire, has been on my mind.  American Empire is an post-apocalyptic novel of sorts, where we, as in Americans, find ourselves cut off from our central government, by a consistent terrorist element, focused on decimating our basic government-provided staples, like food, water, electricity.

American Empire addresses the question: if you wake up one morning and find that water does not fall from your kitchen faucet, what will you do?

I’ve been intellectually chewing on this subject for a while now, and one of my main conclusions is that I’d be screwed.  And let me tell you, I’m not the only one.

How many of you, if clean water wasn’t pumped into your homes, would know where to get clean water?

How many of you, if Kroger no longer had any food, would be able to hunt and/or fish for your own?  How many could successfully tend a garden?

How many of you, if police in your town walked-off their jobs, would be prepared to take up arms in defense of your family?

How many of you, if electricity shut-off, not for a couple hours, but for months, would know how to insulate yourselves in preparation for winter?

A scary proposition, isn’t it?

Listen, I’m not David Koresh; I’m not predicting the end of the world, any time soon.  I’m not saying that tomorrow morning, you’ll wake up and find there’s no water falling from your faucet.  I’m simply asking a very relevant question: what if?

Which leads me to my next point.

What life skills do we choose to pass to our children?

I grew up in the middle class, smack dab in the middle of the middle class.  My father’s collar was as white as the bleach my mom used to wash it in.  I asked my mother the other day, I said, “Mom, when you and Dad decided to have children, did you talk about what things were vital that you needed to pass along to us?”

My mother answered that the most important things she and my father wanted to pass down were moral and ethical beliefs, a compassionate nature, the ability to read and write and do basic math, pride in oneself, etc.

I asked her, I said, “Mom, did you and Dad ever consider it a necessity to teach your children how to shoot a gun for protection or to obtain food, how to grow crops, how to build a house from the foundation up?”

“No,” she answered simply.

The truth of the matter is her mother and father didn’t teach her these skills, nor did my father’s parents, so they wouldn’t be able to teach them to me.

It’s my belief that many Americans could say the same thing.

This worries me.  It worries me that our civilization has evolved to a point to where parents are no longer passing down what I would consider basic human skill-sets.

Not much of a fighter, Homer brought other skills to the table.

Now, I am completely indebted to my parents for teaching me the skill of writing in complete sentences and reading, for both skills are paramount in my life (obviously), having respect for elders and myself, and compassion for humanity (which is the beating-heart of this particular blog).  I would agree with the people who would tell me, in a time of Biblical crisis, humanity will need a wide-range of people with a wide-range of skill-sets in order to survive.  They cite Homer as being a pretty important dude to Achilles and the Greeks.

But I worry that so many of us are no longer learning Life Skills, that the ability to shoot, to fight, to grow, to build will be selected-out of our species.

Let’s evaluate the current state of natural selection in mating.  (I use the terms “women” and “men” loosely, because I realize the modern state of human natural selection is inherently more complex).  Women used to look for men who could protect the family, provide for the family; I’m envisioning a big, burly frontier man with a thick beard and rough hands.

Natural Selection, frontier-style.

To a certain extent this remains true (though not the thick beard or the rough hands).

Women desire to mate with a man who can protect and provide for their family.  But modern men, in most cases, protect and provide for the family indirectly, through jobs that pay a wage which is then used to pay third parties: policeman to patrol the neighborhoods, soldiers to protect the borders, farmers to grow food, and slaughterhouses to kill animals.  And then these families raise children who are taught skill-sets similar to their parents, which are not trapping and hunting and fighting, and they have children even more far-removed from hands-on skill-sets until you have a huge portion of the population reliant on indirect means to provide basic human amenities: water, food, shelter.

We’ve outsourced these things, trusting others to provide them for us.  And it’s a more fragile arrangement than many people want to believe.  If these third parties fail to provide essential amenities, we no longer have the skill-set, from generation upon generation of naturally selecting it out of our DNA, to provide these things on our own.

So, I’d like to pose a question to you.  If you have children or you wish to have children some day: what are some things that are vital, in your mind, to pass onto them?

Thank you for reading.  Enjoy your Sunday.

–SS

When not worried about the state of civilization, Sleep Sunshine enjoys long walks in the forest preserves, in his imagination.  His first book The Rainbow Child is being polished as you read this while his second book American Empire percolates in his brain.  Formerly a writer and production coordinator at Black Entertainment Television in Los Angeles, Sleep Sunshine now lives in Chicago and puts food on his table by hunting squirrels and pigeons in Grant Park, with non-existent success, so far.

P.S. Mom!  Dad!  So hungry!  Please send money for food!

“The Kids Are All Right” Is Much More Than An All Right Movie

Sleep Sunshine; hard at work at the Ragdale House

By: Sleep Sunshine
Judging by the box office (and one should, never ever ever, judge by the box office), Lisa Cholodenko‘s alt. family drama, The Kids Are All Right, is irrelevant in the face of Inception‘s nearly 143 million dollar box office accumulation.  In four weeks of release (one more than Inception), the movie has only generated 5 million dollars.

Luckily, there isn’t a popularity/quality correlation.

For in terms of quality, The Kids Are All Right is unquantifiable.

High Art (1998)

Laurel Canyon (2002)

Unlike Ms. Cholodenko’s more risque films, High Art (1998) and the ravingly reviewed Laurel Canyon (2002), Kids is standard family drama, focusing on the difficulties of marriage and raising children.

Well, it is a family drama; except for the facts…

  • the featured married couple is a pair of lesbians,
  • and the conflict surrounds their two children contacting and building a relationship with their sperm donor.

Yet, the portrayal of an American family that many Americans would still consider alternativeunconventional or even down-right immoral in such an unapologetic, seamless fashion allows viewers a rare behind-the-scenes vantage into the growth and development in the ideal of the institution of family itself.

Mainly, that gay marriages, like straight marriages, are really, really hard.

Bening and Moore as Nic and Jules

The title couple of Nic and Jules, played wonderfully by Annette Bening and Julianne Moore, find themselves in a valley point in their marriage, where after being married-to someone for such a long time, as Jules says, “You no longer see them.”

The couple is “opposites-attract” personified.  Bening captures Nic’s Type-A personality expertly, as well as it’s detrimental affect on both her wife and their two kids–Joni, eighteen, and Laser, fifteen.  Moore embodies Jules’s bohemian aura in such a way you know the couple is in for a crash, though you’re not sure exactly where it’ll come from.

Laser and Joni meet the Sperm Donor (Paul)

The primary conflict involves Laser’s desire to find his “father” (as Nic points out, several times, “what, you mean the Sperm Donor?”) and how through Joni and Laser wrestling with their developing identities aided by interaction with their “father” (Paul, played by Mark Ruffalo) forces their “moms” to grapple with their own identities, as mothers, wives, and lesbians.

Equally, Paul finds himself on unfamiliar ground.  A successful Los Angles restauranteur and co-op farmer, Paul is startled to discover a decision he’d made at nineteen to donate sperm (because “it seemed less painful than blood”) had ramifications he’d never considered.  So when he meets his two “children,” they change him and his life in a way he’d never imagined.

This would be the only area of weakness I discovered in the movie, having to do not with the expert directing of Ms. Cholodenko nor of the realistic portrayals of all actors involved, but solely due to the limited scope capable in an hour and a half film.  The movie could have been shot from Paul’s point of view and found ample fodder for intellectual digestion.

But the story Ms. Cholodenko and desired to tell was of Nic and Jules, and to her credit she never wavers from this.  Though I felt a bit cheated at the end that Paul’s character arc wasn’t equally developed, I was reminded of the fact that it was Nic and Jules’s movie and found myself at the end of an hour and forty-four minutes, equally satisfied and hungry.

For the skill and daftness Ms. Cholodenko crafts her story arc is both expert and creative.  For example, the scene encapsulating the climax of the movie (specifics, of which, I will not give-away here) is prepped, paced, and executed tone-perfect and in-tune with character, you, as the audience, literally forget you’re watching a movie and believe you’re peeking into the window of a neighbor’s house during a family dinner.

Except Nic and Jules aren’t most of our neighbors.  At least not in 2010, in most communities in the country, and this makes The Kids Are All Right even that much more gripping and interesting.  The audience is thrust into a foreign world, so seamlessly and painlessly, that story’s “unconventional” idiosyncrasies (ie–Nic and Jules are lesbians, Paul is a Sperm Donor, Joni and Laser were conceived from artificial insemination) disappear and all you’re left with is a mirror to examine the inherent difficulties of your marriage and relationship to your kids and how life and interpersonal relationships in life are really, really hard.

Because in the end what a great movie does is convince you that the characters on the screen could really live somewhere in Los Angeles (in this case) and could really be going through and dealing with the presented conflicts.  In the end, through specific characters living specific lives, great movies convince us, again and again, of this simple fact:

We’re all just people.

Don’t let the box office numbers convince you otherwise; The Kids Are All Right is very relevant.

–SS

“Weeping Underwater Looks A Lot Like Laughter”: Strange Title, Promising Debut

By: Sleep Sunshine

Michael J. White’s first novel begins, “On our debut night in Des Moines, Nicholas Parsons murdered a high school senior in the hotel room directly beneath us.  The following morning we received a call from the front desk receptionist announcing a cancellation of the complimentary breakfast buffet, due to the conversion of the hotel restaurant into a provisional police headquarters.”

Since I’m a writer I like to think about what made me pluck a book from the seemingly endless stacks at B&N or Borders, and fork over my dwindling cash-flow to bring it home.  Many times I don’t remember.  This time, I recall reading those first two sentences and being interested enough to continue down the page, from their George Flynn, White’s narrator did the rest.

George Flynn and his family (undeveloped, minus his older brother Zach, who is, but not far beyond the lines of jock-stereotype) move from Davenport to Des Moines, Iowa just in time to begin his junior year, in a brand new high school.  George quickly finds himself alienated from his new high school peers, who he describes as “disproportional, with oddly shaped craniums packed with perversions,” and put-off by their hazing in passing notes about him around class, one of which reads: “Please put the fire out in your crotch.”

By page twenty, though, the primary focus of the novel is revealed.  Emily Schell.  Beautiful, intelligent, unbridled…all the qualities of an excellent literary muse.  George is smitten on sight.

Mr. White, though, isn’t done.  Coupled with the “dream-girl” is her younger sister, Katie Schell, whose precocious, witty, sardonic humor really pops off the page.  Katie is also in love with George, and this element–a love triangle, but not really–is fascinating to witness developing.  George can’t help his physical attraction to Emily, while he can’t ignore his intellectual and spiritual infatuation with Katie.  And lurking under the surface is an even more compelling element, which isn’t ever raised: George’s obsession with the Schell family, as a whole.

Katie Schell suffers from MS, which flares and ebbs as the book progresses; when not sick, Katie is only mobile through the use of a crutches or a wheelchair.  While physically limited, Katie’s mental capacity is limitless.  In every scene Katie is in, she steals the spotlight, especially from her older sister, who’s not all to happy about this yet struggles with the emotions of being jealous of her handicapped younger sister when she received a genetic Power-ball relative to Katie’s losing ticket.

The narration is told from present-day George’s POV.  His life is in ruin and he looks back at these several years with the Schell sisters as the point where his life climaxed and began it’s descent.  One of the weaknesses of the book is George.  He serves as the narrator, yet his characterization is not given as much weight as the Schell sisters, or even the Schell family altogether.

The story is so focused on this dynamic it leaves out what could otherwise be a very interesting and revealing character study of George and his relationships with his parents (not even touched on after page 2) and his older brother Zach (a couple scenes with Zach near the end had great potential).  Mr. White imagined George as a red-head, which, for me, made him inherently interesting, due to the stigma red-haired men in our society deal with; yet Mr. White stopped there, as if this were enough to establish George.  Other than the passing-notes near the beginning, we do not witness George dealing with much adversity.  This can be explained with the fact that George is portrayed as kind of an easy-going fella (who wouldn’t like him), but that retards his character depth, especially in contrast to the fascinating, complicated Schells.

The book doesn’t strive too far.  All you believe is going to happen, does in fact happen, with little surprises along the way.  The hook which captured my attention on the retail floor of B&N–the Nicolas Parson’s murder–turns out to have no greater significance than a repetitive fascination for George and other Des Moines characters.  But, for some reason, neither deficiency left me wanton at the end.  Through reflection, I’ve come to commend Mr. White’s instinct to not muddy the water.  The central plot arc involves George and the Schell sisters and all the emotional highs and lows having met them bring, and that, for this reader, was enough of a meal to chew.

All in all I found this novel to be an excellent read, recommend it for those Confession-ers who enjoy coming-of-age, contemporary type literature, and look forward to Mr. White’s next effort.

Wishing, as always, great words to y’all.

–SS
Michael James Greenwald (Sleep Sunshine)
Born a Jew, though through his fellow confession-ees, now firmly committed to this cathartic concept of confessional (at least in the agnostic literary sense), Michael James Greenwald is a student at Story Studio Chicago, applying for a Ragdale Residency in the fall, and waffling daily (sometimes hourly) on To-MFA or To-Not-To-MFA, that is the question. He’s focused on his Summer of Michael, ’10, where healing mentally and spiritually is the order of each day, and moving forward, onto The Next Step. His debut novel The Rainbow Child and short story collection Celebratory Gunfire are due to be published in the next several years. His personal blog site is sleepsunshine. Feel free to venture to his Facebook page or feel free to email him with any comments or suggestions for further topics, or if you had any interest in being a guest blogger on either one of his sites.

What Does A Writer Look Like? A Sleep Sunshine Contest (Part 1 of How Ever Many It Takes…)

Mother of Sleep Sunshine; Sister of Sleep Sunshine

AS POSTED ON THE PARKING LOT CONFESSIONAL:

By: Sleep Sunshine

Image is everything.

I don’t know who I heard that from, but it’s true, especially in the Modern Marketplace. And (fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at, and possibly how much of a Control Freak you are) creating, developing, and marketing an image is left solely up to you.

Sure, actors and singers and politicians have a PR person (several PR people, in many cases) on retainer, but we’re not actors, singers, politicians; we’re writers–the ones who create the stories and characters these actors, singers, politicians embody, yet when seats on the luxury liner are doled out, we’re somehow relegated to steerage.

I’m a marketer by nature, and though I look back at my college degree and most of the edjamacation that I digested through the process of obtaining it as a colossal waste of time, I will admit to coming away with quite a few strategies to selling a product in the marketplace.

No Derek Zoolander; not THAT Look.

(The rest I gleaned from MTV).

This morning, I want to talk about The Look.

Seems as though writers, being the behind-the-scene creatures we are, don’t think about The Look. But I think in this modern marketplace so focused on TMZing nearly everything, writers who want to sell books, plays, movies, TV shows on a large-enough scale to eat must think about…

THE. LOOK.

One of my tenants to selling in the Modern Marketplace is getting out there and doing readings. Not necessarily reading a chapter from your latest tome…yawn…but developing creative entertainment (yes, I said the dreaded E-word) that derive from a particular work. For instance…

  • Writing a play based on your novel and having the production shown at a small-audience theater.
  • Writing poetry inspired by your novel and performing it at open mikes.
  • Shooting a short film based on your novel and showing it on YouTube.
  • Writing an article about issues raised in your work and publishing it as an expose in a magazine.
  • Having someone write a tell-all book about your addiction to plant food.
  • ETC. ETC.

Writers. We need to diversify! Get our name and image out there, across the media spectrum. And more importantly, we need to come out from behind the lens and show the world our metaphorically pitted faces.

Yikes!!! I know. For many of us, this is the reason we became writers, so we didn’t have to do this. But let me tell you, to most of the Modern Marketplace, you are going to sell yourself first and your work second.

This weekend, I went away to one of my best friend’s father’s cottage on Fox Lake (Side-Note–Listen to Dave Matthews and DO NOT DRINK THE WATER, no matter how much you’re trying to impress a pretty girl…cough, cough, sneeze, sneeze…) and I was sporting my Playoff Beard. For those of you not immersed in the cult sport of professional hockey, thus have no idea the significance of the Playoff Beard…

“A playoff beard is the practice of a National Hockey League player not shaving his beard during the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The player stops shaving when his team enters the playoffs and does not shave until his team is eliminated or wins the Stanley Cup.”

My friends (the wonderful, witty, rabble-rousers they are ) began referring to me, in my snarly, ratty, bearded state, Yusef. Or the Uni-bomber. Or Late John Lennin. Asked me to bury their wallet for safe-keeping in my scruff. Asked me how much it would cost to buff their cars with my cheeks. Wanted to know how much rent I charged the sparrow that had taken up residence near my jawline. ETC. ETC.

Girls I came across that weekend who I attempted to approach in my frowzy state handed me crumpled dollar bills or coins from their change purse; inquired as to the whereabouts of my shopping cart, while pointing to a pile of discarded beer cans, commenting on how in Michigan I could earn 10 cents rather than 5 a can; and the most creative line, by a buxom blond in a yellow bikini, who asked me to stick around, in case it started to rain and grew cold, due to the fact she and all her friends on their boat would be able to burrow into my beard for warmth (she really didn’t enjoy my retort, when I asked her to sit in the bow with me in case our boat capsized, in which her huge fake cans could be used as floatation devices).

All of this good natured ribbing got me thinking.

What does a writer look like?

I perform at readings around the city. Different coffee shops, bars, at the Jackson/State Street station on the Red Line (which is rough because people don’t get the empty computer bag in front of me is where to toss their change). My material is solid. I project like a practiced Broadway starlet. All I’m missing is THE LOOK.

What does an author LOOK like?

I’m committed to the fact that Stephen King has sold as many books as he has as much for the content between the pages as his photo on the back jacket. I mean, that is a horror writer face. Right?

"Well, Lady, my answer to that would be: are you DFW? Are you? Didn't think so. You'd get it if you were. Simple as that."

Or David Foster Wallace. I mean, the dude looks like he knows he’s smarter than you (and has no trouble telling you he is smarter than you, either).

(Honk! Honk! “Bus to HELL leaves in fifteen minutes!” Gulp. Guess my ride is taking off soon.)

There’s an author, who’s name escapes me at the moment, who never takes a straight picture on his jacket cover (when I say straight I don’t mean sexuality; I mean in one I think he’s turned around so you just see the back of his head and in another he’s holding up a squalling cat in front of his face).

Actors are all pretty and classy like Nicole Kidman, goofy/beautiful like Julia Roberts, or Funny/Dorky like Michael Scott, or bad-asses like Colin Farrel–who’s never without a cigarette and some candy on (or in) his arm.

What is my The Look?

I don’t have one.

I need one.

I’m going to let you VOTE.

That’s right, Confessioners. You choose my The Look, bit-by-bit (facial hair, outfit, shoes, accessories…) and I’ll don it at my next reading.

This week, considering the interest my Playoff Beard received this Memorial Day Weekend, we’ll start with FACIAL HAIR.

Here’s six pics, six choices. May the best Look win!

1) The Aforementioned Playoff Beard

2) House Just 'Round the Next Holler

3) The Handle-Bar Stache--Built for Power AND Speed

4) Sleazy yet Sophisticated (Oh yeah, Ladies!!)

5) Like My Book Or I Take Over World

6) If this is chosen, I'll get a dictionary tattooed on my bald skull to spice it up.

Thanks for voting. Thanks for reading.

May great words find you this week.

–SS

Born a Jew, though through his fellow confession-ees, now firmly committed to this cathartic concept of confessional (at least in the agnostic literary sense), Michael James Greenwald (Sleep Sunshine) is a student at Story Studio Chicago, applying for a Ragdale Residency in the fall, and waffling daily (sometimes hourly) on To-MFA or To-Not-To-MFA, that is the question.

Yet again, he feels inspired at the chance for love.

His debut novel The Rainbow Child and short story collection Celebratory Gunfire are due to be published in the next several years.

His personal blog site is sleepsunshine. Feel free to venture to his Facebook page or feel free to email him with any comments or suggestions for further topics, or if you had any interest in being a guest blogger on either one of his sites.

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PLC Presents: 500 Club (5/27/10)

“Run!”

By: Sleep Sunshine

Your pratfalls sound on the wet pavement.

Slap, splash.  Slap, splash.  Slap.

Surrounded by trees you inhale a pine scent air-freshener with each breath.

Suck, suck…blow.  Suck, suck…blow.  Slap, splash.  Suck, suck…blow.  Slap, splash.  Suck, suck…blow.

Your calves burn, but you don’t stop, can’t stop, can never stop…moving.  Sweat drenches your U of I ball cap, adding to the chalky-residue of dried sweat from days, weeks, a month ago.  Soaked is your sweat-resistant (so it said on the tag when you bought it) shirt, shorts, socks.  Your New Balance cross-trainers spit water from the wet pavement into the air behind you.

Slap, splash.  Slap, splash.  Slap.

Suck, suck…blow.  Suck, suck…blow.

Slap, splash.  Suck, suck…blow.

Where are you going?  What are you doing?  What are you running from?

It’s your birthday.  Today’s your birthday.  May 27, 2010.  Thirty-one years old.  Today.

“Hi, Mrs. Robinson!”

The old woman pauses, mail partially-birthed from mailbox.  “Damn, Christopher, boy; ain’t you just the runnin’ fool.”

Is that what you are?  That all you’ve become?  In thirty-one years of life?

A runnin’ fool.

School’s out, say a prayer, say a prayer; Jeff Watkins has become someone else’s headache now, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus; your Summer stretches out before your eyes; you can do anything, be anybody in the next three months, anything at all.

Listless days toward the end of the semester when your juvenile delinquents (many of them already, the rest of them on their way to the coronation) goofed their state-mandated tests (many of the ones who bother to answer the questions at all subscribe to the Jeff Watkins’s conspiracy theory that the government, the White Man–you included or excluded, you’re not sure–tries to “make them a fool” by making every answer B) you lounged at your desk, shoes on the aluminum, staring out the window at Mr. Johnson clipping the bushes and struggling the school’s relic mower across the grass, making a mental to-do list for your Summer.

1) Write that novel you’ve always talked about

2) Take gramma to a Cub’s game (but she won’t go, she’ll never go, too many steps)

3) Open that E-Trade account and begin investing that money your dad left you, ‘stead of leaving it in a 1.6% savings account

4) Read one book a week from the library

5) Build that spice garden you’ve promised Nancy you’d build, now three summers in a row

6) Take the CPR class at the fire station

7) Make a baby

The list of possibilities stretch as long as Tila Fredericks eye-lashes, long as Milton Swinger’s corn-rows, long as Dunta Henderson’s political aspirations, long as Mark Nelson’s rap sheet, limitless as Phil Robbins earning potential.

So far, you’re accomplishments are as meager as Sam Daviduke’s future unemployment check, meager as Sylina Gutierez’s chances not to have three babies before turning eighteen, meager as the White Man‘s shot to keep Edgar Martinez down.

So far all you’ve managed is:

9) Become a runnin’ fool

You take a left onto Fell Boulevard, punching your fists into the air, lifting your knees to climb, climb Fell Hill.  Sweats a sheen on your skin, a exo-exo-dermis, telling the world, like Mrs. Robinson right away realized.  Damn, Christopher, boy; ain’t you just the runnin’ fool!

Your heart rate is up.  Your heart rate is up.  You check the monitor around your wrist.  165.  You’re okay.  You are…moving.

Back at home Nancy’s sedentary, probably making herself a ham-and-cheese, pouring a glass of lemonade, settling on your back patio, with the Times and her summer text books and spiral notebook–she’s started another Master’s program–sprinkler spitting on the grass, bees buzzing into and out-of her rose bushes.

“What are you going to do this summer?” she’d asked you, just last week.

“Haven’t thought about it, really,” you answered.  “Just enjoying not having to deal with those fucking kids.”

You’d, of course, meant it as a joke, just funninyou, Mrs. O; but she hadn’t taken it that way–you can see that plain as Darius Green’s drug-addled gaze.

10) Have sex with my wife

“What?” you asked, biting into your ham-and-Havarti, though you’d decided, as you chewed in fact, that you’re going to:

11) Become a vegetarian

“Nothing, Chris.”  Nothing never means nothing; nothing always means something.  “It’s just; you talk all second semester about how much you can’t wait for summer to come, when you’ll have all this time to accomplish all these things, but then you spend the summer doing nothing, sitting around here, watching TV, napping, until about halfway through the summer you start bitching about having nothing to do and how you can’t wait for the school-year to start.”

You put your ham-and-Havarti on it’s bed of chips, determined to not pick it, or the sour cream and cheddar chips below it, up:

12)  Lose 25 pounds

“I do not.”

Nancy rolls her eyes.  “We do this every summer, too.”

“What?”

“Fight.”

13) Avoid fighting with Nancy

You pick up the ham-and-Havarti, take, into your mouth, a huge chunk of bread and pig.  You love the grainy, taste of the ham; the biting Havarti.  It’s a great combination, especially with mayo and mustard.

14) Eat whatever the fuck you want

Nancy gets up and strides down the patio stairs, avoiding the one step where the wood has rotted…

15) Fix the step where the wood has rotted

…and strides across the spotty grass…

16) Seed and irrigate the lawn, water it regularly, and mow it once a week, depending on the precipitation.

…to the bird-shaped sprinkler.  She lifts the sprinkler from behind, with the caution one might afford to a rattlesnake, and carries it across the lawn, the sprinkler head squirting and jerking in her hand, water spraying her taunt, tan calves.

17) Finally take Nancy to Rome, for the honeymoon you owe her, from six years ago

18) Get a nice base-tan on your pasty-white skin before going to Rome

19) Buy a bunch of Aloe and stick it in the fridge

Nancy returns to her seat, wipes the water and mud off her fingers and takes another bite of her sandwich, sip of her lemonade.  “In order to accomplish things, Chris, you have to make lists.”

“I do make lists.”

Long as Stephen Jackson’s fingers, Monica Potter’s stories, Brent Bryants touchdown throws.

“Not in your head.  Write them down.”

20) Write down Summer to-do list

You stare out at your backyard; she stares at her textbook, molars cracking a sour cream and cheddar chip into submission.  She’s taking notes as a hummingbird flits in front of the table, flies up to the hummingbird feeder, where it squats for a second, then flies over your hedge to Mr. Riley’s patio.

21) Put hummingbird food in the hummingbird feeder

22) Clip back the hedges that look like unkept green Afros

“Maybe I’ll start running.”

Nancy looks up dubiously, pen poised over paper.  Her eyes flit over your body, at your ” big frame”, then back to her textbook, grimacing at your cloying presence.

9) Become a runnin’ fool

“That’s what I’ll do.”  You toss the remains of your ham-and-Havarti on the plate, scattering those sour cream and cheddar chips onto the table.

23) Clean up after yourself

9) Run two miles everyday.

You jog in place, feel your heart spike into gear (what? uh, what…are…you…doing…Chris?) sweat bead at your receding hair line.

25) Go to that Boseley consultation

“I’m gonna train for a 5K.”

Nancy just stares.  She’s got a dollop of mayo on her lip.  Her eyes follow you as you job around the table, pumping your arms, thrusting your knees up; quad-fat burning you march down the stairs, so exhilarated you forget all about that rotted step.  It groans and gives out and you clip your shin on the next stair, tumble forward onto your grass, now lying sedately amongst the dandelions.

26) Weed the grass

You lay sprawled on your back, staring up at the hot sun, panting, sweating–feeling magnanimous.  Nancy leans over you, bulbous head like an eclipse-moon blocking out the sun.

“Are you all right?” she asks, amusement more than concern playing on her face.

You reach up and snag the pen behind her ear.

“Chris!”

You yank up your shirt, and on your pasty-white, hairy paunch scrawl:

9) Participate and finish the Alan High “Run for the Cheers,” 9/13.

Then you hand back her pen.  She stares at it, as though not recognizing it as a pen.

“What is wrong with you?” she asks the pen.

Slap, splash.  Slap, splash.  Suck, suck…blow.

You lock your hands behind your head and tighten your stomach muscles, perform five consecutive crunches.

“Nothing” you tell her, grunting like some cave-man warrior.  “It’s gonna be a hell of a summer!”

Sleep Sunshine Reads “I Am Lane” @ 42 Degrees N. Latitude

Hello Loyal Guests!

Today, I have something special for you.  A video.  Of me.  Reading.  My. Poetry.

Thursday, May 20th 2010, Story Studio Chicago hosted a “Writers Read Showcase” at 42 Degrees N. Latitude in Chicago.  I read my poem, “I Am Lane.”  Here it is, in all its twisted, blurry glory.  Thanks for watching.